Understanding Ourselves and Our Kids
I love stories.
Books and movies are some of my favorite pastimes. But, more than that, I love the stories of individuals. Everyone has come from somewhere, and as much as we sometimes don’t like to admit it, those origin places often impact our present lives more than we often even realize. There are few things that I enjoy more than hearing people put the pieces of their stories together in a way that helps them move forward into hope and healing.
As we’ve parented our kids, we have come to realize that our stories and theirs are a huge piece of our relationships and how we interact with each other. Some of us are perfectionists, some live by a “good enough” mentality. Some of us are highly sensitive, while others live in peaceful oblivion. Some of us have “big T” trauma, some have “little t” trauma, and some have lived with the fallout of both over the years. We are a large family, made up of individuals that all have different stories.
Early on in our adoption journey. My husband and I were attending a conference in Tennessee specifically for adoptive and foster parents. The speaker made a comment to the effect of, we can’t help our kids heal from their pasts, if we haven’t already done the work for our own pasts and stories. Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had paid more attention to that.
Fastforward 14 years, and we’ve learned a lot, but it hasn’t been until the last few years that we’ve really started to put some pieces together for our own healing journeys. As we have leaned into the work required for that, ironically (insert eye roll to my slow learning self), it has helped facilitate healing in the lives of our kids, both bio and adopted, as well.
Come to find out, the old adage, the blind leading the blind, applies to healing as well. It is hard to lead our kids to healing in any area of their lives, if we don’t already know the way ourselves. It is impossible to teach emotional intelligence if we cannot identify our own emotions. We cannot teach them about their personality or attachment styles, family roles, or their window of tolerance, if we don’t know those things about ourselves.
That is the thought process behind our Understand Ourselves and Our Kids Coaching. If you would like some guidance understanding more about how personalities, emotional intelligence, family roles, etc. impact your family, then schedule a free consultation, and we can help you decide if this coaching program would be beneficial to you.